What makes relationships succeed

Whether you're finding a potential partner by swiping right on an app, or thumbing through stacks of biodata a la Netflix's "Indian Matchmaking," there may be some wisdom for you in the researchers' findings. Scientists have sought to understand what makes for a good relationship for decades. But most of those studies only measured a few variables at a time, Samantha Joel, the study's lead author and an assistant professor at Western University in London Ontario, told CNN.

Love in the time of coronavirus: Couples share how they found matches in the middle of a pandemic. Joel and her colleagues analyzed information on more than 11, couples, drawn from 43 data sets that tracked those partnerships for an average of a year, to determine the extent to which they could predict the quality of relationships and what measures would best predict that.

Read More. What they found is that your own judgment of your relationship -- meaning, how satisfied you feel your partner is or how appreciative you are of your partner -- says more about the quality of your relationship than either of your personalities.

In other words, don't focus so much on whether a person fits your type or whether they check all your boxes. Instead, think about how you're engaging with each other and whether your relationship leaves you feeling satisfied.

The top 5 skills for a happy relationship. Empathy Sometimes, arguments reach a stalemate because neither partner is willing to listen to what the other is saying. Love The Ancient Greeks had 3 words for love. This is erotic love. It means being attracted to each other. Romantic gestures, taking the time to have lunch together or go for a walk, remembering to honor the connection even when life happens — the little things add up to the big picture of a great relationship.

It may seem silly to work at such stuff when work, school or kids come along, but apparently pretty much all responders in this study listed these as a majorly important part of their relationships. So ignore these at your own peril. They make sex a priority. But validation is important. Couples noted that when things go bad, the first indication is the sex.

They appreciate the value in relationship rules. Couples reported having their own logical divisions of labor cooking, cleaning, taking care of children that matched their own lifestyle, rather than expectations, traditional gender roles, etc. Some even said they reviewed theirs regularly, as you would in a business. There are some jobs one of you will hate, whereas others might be harmless. Learning to work with your own preferences and dividing things along those lines is apparently a winning tactic for making your home life not suck.

They know how to ride out the ebbs and flows. Long-term couples reported that their feelings go through phases. The key for these couples was learning how to ride out the bad or indifferent bits and just accept them as part of the relationship.

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Shimrit Elisar Writer, artist, intrepid traveler and lover of cats, cheese and techno music. Preferably not all at the same time. By Kate Ferguson. By Averi Clements.